Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I am morally bankrupt
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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