I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
