I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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