I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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