I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
