On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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