He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
