I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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