did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
