By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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