i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize