Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
