I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the gays at disneyland are vicious
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
