one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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