i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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