Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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