I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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