Don't you send me to vm
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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