I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
