Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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