and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
