So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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