She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
