At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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