i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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