i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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