Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
