you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
