i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
