i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
