im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
