I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
