He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
