I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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