I am puke
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
