I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
