party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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