Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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