Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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