and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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