Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
