im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
