So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
