I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
