Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
