i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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