When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
