My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
