Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
