Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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