So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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