i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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