I think my vagina is haunted
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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