Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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