Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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