She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize