Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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