Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Congratulations! We have a period
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