the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
