I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize