my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
