return my video game
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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