She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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