PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
