dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
