found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
