So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
