Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
