gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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