"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
