the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
