i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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