We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
