i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
