Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
