yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Alive.
So much puke
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
