would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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