covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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