Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize