why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
