JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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