Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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