I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
