I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize