apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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