i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
