dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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