Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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