That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
