i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
