I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
