I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
