Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
