i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
