Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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