Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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