Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
