he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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