Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
